Saturday, March 6, 2010

Flesh for the Beast (2003)

A haunted mansion, female demons in cute revealing outfits that like to get naked and have sex, buckets of blood and guts, a spooky atmosphere, and a nice little twist one doesn’t see coming -- what more could a modern horror fan want? How about a movie that actually combines all the above in a memorable way rather than just sweeping it all together into a pile and hoping horror fans appreciate the effort. I mean, my god, talk about wasted opportunity. This movie had potential pouring out from every orifice yet still managed to fall flat on its face, and not just in the eyes of horror fans, but the eyes of soft core porn fans as well, ones who ignored the horror label and wanted more given the directors history of films.

Flesh for the Beast is the tale of several paranormal investigators who are invited to a large house on the east coast that is rumored to be home to several spirits. Needing the money the investigation will bring, the group agrees to spend some quality time in the house, despite their leader’s misgivings about the place, and quickly scatter in opposite directions until everyone is alone -- camera men included (???) -- hoping to uncover evidence of the haunting. From that point on members of the team are killed off one at a time by the female demons inhabiting the place, ones who like to first seduce the men so that they can have a few seconds of quality sex before eating them, their bloody mouths often jabbing them with dull one-liners between bites. Meanwhile, the lone female paranormal investigator has descended into the ‘bowels of hell’ with the house owner who is very interested in her repeated visions about the house, ones which are often bloody and sometimes sexual -- in one she is wearing a skimpy red dress and having sex, in another she is hanging from her wrists naked with whip marks on her back (something which I thought would be explained but wasn’t and just resulted in a lot of screaming). Eventually one of her visions uncovers the location of a body with an amulet in its skull, which is what the owner was after all along. Knowing the location, he knocks the girl out so that the demons can feed on her just like all the other investigators he brought in (that was their only real purpose for being hired) and goes for the amulet. What he doesn’t realize is that the demons don’t want him to have it and will do whatever it takes to prevent him from using it to control them -- something that he already seems to be able to do. It is at that point that a secret about the female paranormal investigator is revealed as well, a secret which really bites the home owner in the ass. So, well fed and the amulet again safe and sound within its easily found hiding spot, the demons laugh themselves away for the night, their hope being that they won’t have to wait very long for the next meal of warm flesh.

Needless to say this movie isn’t really worth a person’s time, and I strongly urge everyone to leave it on the shelf despite how eerie the box description makes it sound, or how potentially erotic it may be given the directors previous films. Sure, there are some nice kinky sensual scenes, but they don’t last very long and don’t really show anything, so if sex is what you want, then do a Google search, because this movie won’t be giving it to you. And to those horror fans that saw the trailer and might want to give this movie a chance based on how creepy it looks, let me just say this, one of the biggest complaints in the reviews I have read -- aside from the lack of sex and poor acting -- is that the trailer was incredibly misleading and lured a lot of people in, people who thought the movie was going to be intensely scary.


Sarah from Scare Sarah said...

Oh that's a shame.

Thanks for the Sex Check, Will!

William Malmborg said...

Oh yes, I will always try to let viewers know which movies have the best or worst sex scenes in them! I think it is a good public service for me to provide.

Sarah from Scare Sarah said...

Quite. I like to know I'm not wasting my time!